The First Therapist Who Didn't Just Focus on My Past

Why Seeing a Marriage and Family Therapist for Individual Therapy Can Be a Game Changer

When you're struggling with anxiety, burnout, trauma, or feeling stuck, most people are told to “go to therapy.” And when they do, the conversation often centers on the past—digging into childhood wounds, uncovering old patterns, or identifying root causes. That work is valuable. But healing doesn’t happen by looking backward alone.

For therapy to be truly transformative, it has to hold all of you—your past, yes, but also your present stressors and future hopes. It needs to consider the relationships you're in, the roles you hold, and the systems you're part of. Because we don't live in a vacuum—we live in families, workplaces, and communities that shape how we heal.

When most people think of Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs), they imagine couples therapy or family counseling. But what many don’t realize is that MFTs are also highly trained to provide individual therapy—often with a lens that can make a world of difference. (I will share all the hows and whys! )

Let me illustrate this through my husband’s journey.

When Trauma Work Misses the Bigger Picture

My husband has complex PTSD (C-PTSD). Like many people seeking therapy, he did his best to find someone he thought would “get it”—someone who might understand his background, his values, and the emotional weight he carried. He started with two male therapists, hoping shared lived experience might help.

And it did—to a point.

Both therapists deeply validated his pain, which was important. But they also stayed in the puddle with him, mirroring his experience rather than offering an eagle-eye view of how and why he remained stuck. There was very little guidance out of the mud.

Later, he tried another therapist who took a different approach. This time, they jumped into childhood trauma processing right away—diving deep without acknowledging the fragile system he was in at the time. We had just welcomed a newborn. He was dealing with uncertainty at work. His emotional state was already precarious. Processing trauma in that moment didn’t just destabilize him—it created distance in our family and led to new symptoms.

A fourth therapist tried a stabilizing route—focusing on symptom management, burnout prevention, and mindfulness. On paper, that sounds like good work. But in practice, it ate away at the precious little time he had to spend with our two daughters. The balance tipped again—mental health improved slightly, but at the cost of family connection.

The Problem? Most Approaches Ignored the System

These examples highlight a common issue in individual therapy: treatment plans often focus solely on what's inside the client, with little attention to the systems they live in—their relationships, families, cultural context, or life circumstances.

We don’t live in a vacuum. Trauma doesn't just live in our heads—it lives in our relationships, in our daily rhythms, and in how we show up for the people we love. When therapy doesn’t consider that, it may lead to short-term relief but long-term consequences.

What Makes a Marriage and Family Therapist Different?

MFTs are uniquely trained to think systemically. Even in one-on-one work, they ask questions like:

• How is this issue showing up in your other relationships? (What are the patterns we are stuck in)

• What roles have you learned to take on in your family or culture? (Any unconscious lessons we learned that's keeping up from getting better)

• How does your environment shape your ability to heal right now? (is there part of you think changing may be risky and make things worse)

Instead of diving into trauma too early or focusing only on symptom relief, a systemic therapist will ask:

• Is now the right time to process this?

• How will this affect your partner or children?

• What systems need to shift to support your healing?

This matters because healing isn’t just about internal insight or emotional release—it’s also about integration. A good MFT helps you grow within your life, not away from it.

(see how the gears are all interlocking with one another!)

Individual Therapy with a Systemic Lens

Working with a Marriage and Family Therapist for individual therapy offers:

1. A Broader Perspective

MFTs help you zoom out and see how your mental health is affected by patterns, relationships, and environment—not just personal flaws or trauma.

2. Trauma-Informed Care with Better Timing

MFTs consider life context before diving into trauma work, helping prevent re-traumatization or disconnection from loved ones.

3. Relational Healing, Even in Individual Work

Even if you're in therapy alone, MFTs can help you repair relationships, improve communication, and develop healthier boundaries.

4. Cultural and Family System Awareness

Many MFTs are trained to work with clients from diverse cultural backgrounds, understanding how family roles, values, and expectations shape mental health.

5. Sustainable, Real-Life Change

By integrating your healing journey with your real-life roles—whether as a partner, parent, or professional—MFTs help you thrive, not just survive.

Final Thoughts

Mental health doesn’t happen in isolation. When we seek help, we’re often not just trying to feel better—we're trying to be better partners, parents, leaders, and friends. Therapy that honors that complexity—therapy that acknowledges the systemic nature of human experience—can offer a more sustainable path to healing.

That’s why seeing a Marriage and Family Therapist for individual work isn’t just an alternative—it’s often the approach we needed all along!